The Swedish Influence As Eve said to Adam in the Garden of Eden I just met a guy, who says he’s from Sweden. He’s tall and he’s handsome and hasn’t a care, And where ever I looked, his hair it was fair. Now Adam got awkward, and terribly cross, And said to his partner, “You know, I’m the Boss. This vision you saw, it cannot exist, I’m the only man, and on that I insist” But Eve was adamant, she stuck to her guns, And said, “In addition, he’d rather nice buns, And all in all, he was rather cute.” Admitting that she, ‘had eaten the fruit’. Poor Adam was shocked, at what he had learned As Eve she revealed all, of what she yearned But soon he discovered the pleasures of fruit. And what happened next, no one will refute. They packed their bags with all they possessed, Having considered it all, they were mostly impressed, And saying goodbye to the Garden of Eden, They took the next flight, and flew off to Sweden. © 2000 Philip G. Bell	Where on earth did that day go? One day I got up early Arising from my bed “Today”, I said so wisely, “I’ll climb inside my head.” I went into the bathroom And the mirror looked at me It shook its head at what it saw And I agreed, you see So my outer self I showered And the shadow I had shaved The mirror took another look A chance that it had braved I wandered down for coffee “Extra caffeine please”, I said I’d rather I had never stirred From the comfort of my bed But the coffee worked inside me As slowly I arrived Perhaps now I can face it Another morn survived The hustle and the bustle Of routine work I dread And then back home I came again And promptly went to bed © 2000 Philip G. Bell
Tingle Tingle in the finger Tingle in the toe Tingle in the other parts Wherever tingles go So tingle at the table Tingle on the floor Tingle in the bedroom and Behind the bathroom door But tingle so discretely And tingle all alone Tingle all remotely Perhaps when on the phone For tingling in company Can sometimes be misread And get you into trouble And early sent to bed. © 2000 Philip G. Bell	(Poetry Club Topic Winner) Devil in a Three Piece Suit I’m gonna level with ya devil In your three piece suit Your eyes are kinda scary But you’re really cute You know what I want When I want it, in a hurry And ya give a kinda feeling Like a red hot curry So where do you hang, When you’re on your own In those crazy moments When the bird has flown Stoking up the embers As the fire goes out Generating fireballs Scream and shout So take a look, who loves ya Baby Now the ground is shaking Devil in a Three Piece Suit This soul is ripe for taking © 2000 Philip G. Bell
Wishing on a Falling Star The last time I remember I was in the bar And now I’m here on this falling star How I got here I really don’t know I remember saying “I gotta go!” I got up in answer to nature’s call Up to that moment I was having a ball Excusing myself I went to the boy’s room And opened the door to a great big “BOOM” The blast threw me up and I blacked out I didn’t have time to cry out or shout And when after time and at last I came to My clothes were in tatters and I ‘d lost a shoe And then I discovered just where I was And I still need to go, so I’m terribly cross And I am Wishing on a Falling Star That I was back in my favourite bar © 2000 Philip G. Bell	Mozzy A little mosquito flipped onto its back And flew upside down, learning the knack Of which way is up and which way is down And doing it merrily with never a frown A flying apprentice learning his trade With vim and with vigour and never afraid Of buzzing a human, so close to the ear To cause a commotion bought on by some fear And waiting its moment, most often at night If you knew how it did it you’d get such a fright Sinking its probe, your blood it will snatch In a spot that is difficult, politely to scratch And resting our Mozzy will smile satisfied As it watches the twitching it caused from aside And the most discrete manner, the itch it is treated Makes Mozzy just feel, he’s been a little bit cheated © 2000 Philip G. Bell
Teenage Etna A spot went out to find a place That it could call its home It found a site on a teenager’s face No longer would it roam It set up roots and multiplied An ideal find it made In its offspring it had lots of pride As pitted paths they laid From ear to ear many more did grow They went uninterrupted They rose up like a volcano And then they all erupted © 2000 Philip G. Bell       Death warms up! Death walked in this morning I said, “You look like death.” He said, “Yes, I had quite a night” “I barely took a breath” Death sat down and looked at me I said “You look bad.” He said, “Yes, one too many” “I’m afraid, I know it’s sad” Death drank my coffee I said “Have you come for me?” He said, “No, not this time!” “I just wanted Sympathy” © 2000 Philip G. Bell	Woodland Benny Woodland Benny Found a Penny Underneath a leaf Fanny Annie Was real canny Known to be a thief Stole the Penny From Woodland Benny And hid it in her skirt And poor old Benny Lost his Penny Boy, did it hurt For Woodland Benny With his Penny Planned to buy his love A diamond ring A song to sing Perhaps a Turtle Dove And Sad for Fanny The silly nanny She was Benny’s dream And never knew His love was true Or of poor Benny’s scheme And to this day I hate to say Benny’s heart was broke And Fanny Ann Off she ran With another bloke Such is the loss It makes you cross For poor Benny, we were fond But Woodland Benny Found another penny And ran off with a blonde © 2000 Philip G. Bell
Robyn? One Myth was born in legend wrong, And all because of someone’s song. This Myth was made a man in this, For truth the man was just a Miss. Miss Hood, her name was really Robyn,Hearts were made to go a throbbin’, Now we know of Robyn then, Why she had such Merry Men. © 1999 Philip G. Bell The Poultrygeist Down on the farm a chick just hatched And the straw and hay just flew The farmer and his wife and their old sheepdog Just didn't know what to do Whenever the chick was feeling upset Or just couldn't find it's Mom The roost would simply blow right up  As if it were hit by a Bomb An Exorcist of poultry fame Was sent for right away He said it was a poultrygeist And he charged $50 a day The farmer reluctantly paid the fee And the Exorcist began A dozen chickens heads revolved And the farmers wife just ran The chick just sat there really smug It knew it had the power And the Exorcist frustrated grew And tried for over an hour When at last he knew he was beat The Exorcist withdrew The farmer wasn't happy! Whatever could he do? The old sheepdog just wagged it's tail He wasn't going to be beaten And solved the problem just like that! The chick, the dog had eaten. Copyright 2000: Philip G. Bell	The Most Powerful Piece of Poetry ever Written! So There !!!! This poem won’t win prizes It doesn’t meet the spec. It’s not exactly clever But I don’t give a heck! It’s just a little ditty To bide away the time I couldn’t even be bothered Whether it will rhyme So if my friend you want to You can pull it all to bits And work it out among you With all the dodgy bits Jumble up my verses, Mess about a lot I don’t care, it’s all good fun It’s all the time I’ve got © 1999 Philip G. Bell A Rotten Day! Oh dear, Oh dear! I'm growing old How do I know? I can tell by the mould. The decay is accelerating I'm rotting away I've been doing it now For a night and a day And all that is left is an arm and a leg And a brain to finish This poem I beg Oh darn it, I'm down To a finger and brain I blame it all, on  Too much rain But my finger keeps going right on to the end! Oops I think I am slipping Gone round the b ...... Copyright 2000: Philip G. Bell